Jealousy in a relationship: the story behind and after.

Human beings are social animals. Throughout their lives on earth, humans form and dissolve various connections and relationships, leading to encounters with a wide range of emotions. Maintaining a relationship is often challenging as they are two people with individual emotions and thoughts. It isn't always bright and lovely. Among the various emotions that one goes through in a relationship, jealousy is the common one. 

Being jealous in a relationship is quite common, given that we are all humans with our own set of insecurities. What makes us jealous in a relationship? The signs of jealousy and insecurity in relationships are all noteworthy areas to study and reflect on in our own relationships. Understanding jealousy in relationships helps prevent your relationship from becoming toxic. 

Being jealous in a relationship is often just an obvious response of our subconscious, either because we are insecure of their ex, we are insecure of how well our own ex is doing, or we are insecure of some other relationships of our close ones, or the insecurity of someone being better than us and that we are not adequate for the person we love. 

When we love someone, we treat them as ours. We feel possessive of them and feel they are ‘our’ endearment only. But it also has its share of positive effects if practiced within boundaries.

Is it OK to be jealous in a relationship?

Jealousy in normal bouts is completely acceptable to feel in a relationship. Throughout history men have shown various psychological traits, one of which is jealousy. Anthropologists have remarked that jealousy is how we are wired to pick something better for us, which helps secure what we already have. Jealousy is fine if it's for the right reasons, not just to own each other. Experiencing jealousy within a relationship can also indicate that you genuinely care for your partner and desire their well-being. Steering your jealousy in the right direction can ensure you have a long-lasting relationship.

Too much jealousy in a relationship, on the other hand, creates toxicity and deprives both partners of personal space to grow and focus on other relationships or on themselves. Extreme possessiveness due to jealousy could lead to stifling your partner and ridding them of personal decisions. Disallowing their personal time, their other healthy friendships, and doubting your partner due to jealousy can lead to unwanted conflicts, straining your relationship.

Positive aspects of being jealous in a relationship

Being jealous in a relationship is one of the precursors to finding out if it's right for you. One of the positives of being jealous in a relationship is that you get to analyze if it is going the way you want it to, if there is an imminent future, or if you are growing along with the relationship. 

In fact, such jealousy helps to draw boundaries in a relationship and negotiate a mutually nurturing and supportive relationship for each other. Furthermore if both aren’t comfortable in a relationship, there’s no use in trying to save it.

Is jealousy a sign of love or insecurity?

The psychology behind jealousy in a relationship classifies it into two types: healthy jealousy and unhealthy jealousy. Healthy jealousy is propelled by love and care for someone we genuinely admire. It has its roots in love and is completely harmless as long as it is restricted to caring for the person’s welfare and doesn’t go about messing with their personal space and boundaries. 

Unhealthy jealousy, on the other hand, is driven by traits like insecurity, inadequacy, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, emotional dependence, and neuroticism. This type of jealousy has nothing to do with normalization and is the first to ruin any good relationship. Though our society glamorizes jealousy as cute and that possessive partners make for great lovers, it has its own shades of toxicity attached, which must not be encouraged beyond a point. 

Being jealous in a relationship is a sign of love as long as it is bound by trust and is toxic and based on insecurities when not bound at all.

What are your jealous feelings telling you?

• Jealousy in a relationship could often be because the relationship isn’t moving the way you want it to. 

• It may also indicate insecurity or past experiences that need to be addressed.

How to tell your partner you're jealous?

• Please identify the specific aspects that are causing feelings of jealousy or fear. Oftentimes, it is just the situation that works us up and not the presence of their other relationships. Besides, your partner may be completely honest, and you may still be doubting them because of the way the situation plays out. Addressing your partner's rightful fear is key to expressing your jealousy. 

• Talk to your partner. It is better than spinning a thousand tales in your head and accusing someone of something that only your overthinking powered. 
• Skip accusations. If you are unsure, it is advisable to refrain from making assumptions. Accusations cause strain on relationships and, most times, are the reason they end without closure. 
• Rebuild your trust in your partner by talking to others they have been with, their family, friends, or even your own old dating days. Your memories aren’t there only to cry over with a shot of tequila. Use them wisely to warm up to your partner again and talk to them about how you feel.
• Don’t raid your partner’s stuff or go about avenging them for something that might not even be true. Give them their own personal space always, and don’t let doubts creep in before you hear it from your partner themselves. 
• Focus on self-care. It is completely normal to feel jealous, and you don’t need to be hard on yourself for feeling so. Unless your partner is really cheating on you or has confessed something, you have no reason to keep feeding your jealousy, so try to get rid of it by meditating, doing something you love, and being positive.

Best tips to deal with jealousy in a relationship: 

• You need to create a sense of trust in each other by being each other’s significant other and go-to person. 

• You must appreciate each other’s interests, even if different, and support their endeavors. 
• However diverse your interests may be, try to spend some quality together time doing something you both share a common interest in.
• While socializing, you should both pay attention to each other and share friends. 
• If jealous, make the first move to express it to your partner and not grow your doubt about yourself. 
• Avoid making hasty assumptions; instead, focus on reinforcing the joyful moments you shared and use them as a guide. 
• Share your successes and be part of each other's lives, happy, sad, and small. 

Being jealous in a relationship happens to the best of us, as that is how we are wired. Handling it the proper way helps to reinforce and build stronger and healthier relationships.